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A 62-year-old man in Dorset, England, decided he wanted to pursue a woman he had fallen in love with at school, saying he had “never gotten over” her even though he hadn’t seen her in 46 years. So he proceeded to stalk her. He jogged past her old home — where her 88-year-old mother still lives — every day for four months. He approached the mother, who recognized him as the man who had an infatuation with her daughter years earlier. He also wrote the daughter a letter in which he joked about kidnapping her. A restraining order has been issued.

TAKE A LEFT AT THE HOLDING CELL, SIR … A man high on cocaine and prescription drugs came roaring through the village of Arlington Heights, Ill., at 104 mph, and struck a curb, benches, a fire hydrant and a retaining wall before crashing his car into the police station.

KNOCK, KNOCK … MORNING SIR, WHERE SHOULD I PUT YOUR LIVESTOCK? … A man in China did some online shopping while heavily intoxicated, intending to buy some new clothes. He woke up the next morning to discover that he had also purchased a live pig, a peacock and a giant salamander.

YOU JUST CAN’T TRUST SOME PEOPLE … A man pulled up at the drive-thru window at a McDonald’s in New Orleans and tried to buy some burgers using three credit cards that were rejected one after the other because they were all stolen. Police checked the store’s video and discovered that the car he was driving was also stolen.

I’LL JUST HAVE THIS TO GO … The manager at a Red Lobster in St. Petersburg, Fla., asked the woman to exit the premises because she was drunk and “causing a scene” that was disturbing the other customers. As she left under protest, cursing as she went, she grabbed a live lobster out of the water tank and ran off into the night.

IF I CAN’T HAVE HER, NOBODY CAN! … A 58-year-old man drove to his ex-girlfriend’s home in St. Augustine Shores, Fla., where he saw her and her new guy in the front yard, and, police said, he “did not approve” of this. So he drove at them at a high rate of speed in an attempt to kill the man, missed them by less than a foot and crashed into the house. Police said he had previously made statements that he would kill the other man by hitting him with his car.

I’M TRYING TO MAKE A STATEMENT … A man got drunk and intentionally crashed his pickup truck into the Harrison County Courthouse in Gulfport, Miss., because, he explained to arresting officers, “it was the best way to let them know his drug paraphernalia had been stolen.” When he did this on Monday, Veterans Day, all county offices were closed.

SO I WAS JUST BORROWING IT, YOU SEE … A man stole an ambulance from the Broward Health North hospital in Deerfield Beach, Fla. The ambulance was equipped with a GPS device, so it didn’t take long to catch him. He explained to officers that he had just been released from the hospital and he “needed a car” to get home.