If the Cleveland Browns really were interested in naming a woman coach, they’d hire Hillary Clinton. Who better than Clinton to turn things around for a football team that has seen better days?
She knows about losing. Which means, given the losing record of the once renowned football franchise, she would fit right in. Knowing Hillary, she would contest every loss in the Browns’ current seven-game losing season and, like the Browns ownership, vow to win again, as she is planning to do when she runs for president for the third time.
And you need to carry Ohio to become president.
Condoleezza Rice’s name popped up when ESPN’s Adam Schefter broke the news that the Browns were interested in interviewing the former secretary of state under President George W. Bush for the team’s head coaching job. Cleveland Browns general manager John Dorsey said he was open to hiring a woman as Cleveland’s next coach, according to Schefter, and would not be opposed to interviewing Rice. Hue Jackson, the coach, was fired midseason after winning only three of 10 games this season. His fans pointed out, however, that the three wins were an improvement of his record of 0-16 last season, and one and 15 the year before that.
Rice, 64, is a longtime Browns fan.
While some football writers and sports talk shows made a big deal out of Rice possibly becoming the first woman to be interviewed for an NFL head coaching job, others said Hillary Clinton was more qualified.
Not only was she secretary of state during President Barack Obama’s first term, she is also a former first lady, a former U.S. senator and a two-time — and maybe three-time — Democratic candidate for president. And she needs a job that can command public attention.
Bill & Hill are in fierce competition with Michelle & Barack over which pair of former White House occupants can make the most money and attract the most attention. The four are like aging rock stars roaming the county looking for a gig and the fading sounds of applause. While Bill & Hill are richer — having gotten an earlier start on selling their post-presidency — Michelle & Barack are quickly closing the gap.
The Obamas are also beating out the Clintons when it comes to media attention.
Hardly had Bill & Hill launched their 13-city “conversation” tour, than Michelle blew them out of the water with the announcement of a nationwide tour of her own. Accompanied by Barack, Michelle is promoting her just published book, “Becoming,” which apparently is a pretty good read, according to the media hype.
If Hill & Bill are not to be undone by the Obamas, then Hillary must become the new head coach of the Cleveland Browns. It is true she has no football experience, but neither does Condoleezza. Experience is overrated anyway. You can hire it, like coaches do. We hand over our country to presidents who have no experience, so what’s the big deal with a football team?
Head coach Hillary Clinton would not only make people forget all about the Obamas, she would fill the football stadiums. People, especially women, would be glued to their television sets to watch the first woman NFL head coach in action.
She would once again be the leader of the women’s movement. And she could forget about touring the country and sharing the spotlight with Bill. She would be bigger than that. As the head coach of the Cleveland Browns, she would be starring in her own show, like running for president. Taking over now, she could star in coaching the team in remaining Browns games against the Bengals in Cincinnati and again in Cleveland, against the Texans in Houston, the Panthers at Cleveland, the Broncos in Denver and the Ravens in Baltimore.
It would be like campaigning for president again, or like warming up for the next campaign. Doubting Browns players would be impressed because she would talk about winning.
Her opening locker room remarks would go something like this, “Listen up, you basket of deplorables. I am going to make winners out of you. If you win, I win. That’s what it’s all about. Understand? It’s a new era. You’re not out there to win for the team. You’re out there to win for me.”